Grief and Grace
“To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven…”
Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NKJV)
Seasons and changes are a natural part of life. In our culture today, I think we tend to celebrate and acknowledge the beginnings of something more often than the endings. Some endings are natural. Some are invited. Some are unexpected. And some are avoided. But with the changes, we still feel a loss. Sometimes, it is the loss of a loved one that leaves the hole. For others, it is the loss of a job or friendship/relationship. Sometimes it is the loss of a dream. Or, perhaps, it is a loss of what you thought your life would look like. Either way, these endings can come with a level of grief to process through. Getting stuck or holding on to such losses or grief can prevent you from embracing the moments now, or from walking and celebrating in the new beginnings. Sometimes, it is the end of good things to step into the next thing. I love the way that David Platt put it, “sometimes you have to give up good things to achieve greater purposes.”
A friend and I were talking about this one day and something she said shifted my perspective on the subject immensely.
“Grief honors love.”
I don’t know why that was so profound to me, but, while in the midst of changes and endings over my life I’ve felt grief, I struggled to understand it. Logically, I tried to understand what it is, and I would get so swallowed up in the grief itself that I missed the what of its meaning. But, when she said that, it opened up my thinking. I might struggle to reconcile the what of grief, but I know what it means to honor, and if grief honors the love, then grief isn’t the end. I’ve been thinking that grief is like a death itself, but it isn’t. It is a mark of a memory and respect and honor. The grief is a sign of love, and I love deeply.
As I mulled over this phrase, grief honors love, I could see how that couples together so well. As I left that day there was a light rain. On one side of the parking lot, a dark and stormy sky, and on the other, blue skies still clearly displayed. Rain in the sunny summer weather is most refreshing and beautiful. It’s like a play of grief and love.
I think about humidity, the heaviness in the atmosphere - the warmer it is, the greater the capacity there is for the air to hold moisture. When we reach 100% humidity, it rains. And it is impossible to have 0% humidity anywhere. Just the same, you can’t go anywhere that there isn’t love, and the more love, the greater capacity for grief. Then, there is the rain. When the air is so full it must burst and release all it has taken in, if it is warm enough, this creates a cycle. The rain again is taken up and fills the air to rain even more. Eventually, it brings the temperature down.
But in all this, it can storm and rain, and the skies still be blue and beautiful, and if you look closely, you can find the rainbows. On other days, you’ll find the scent of petrichor in the air. Petrichor - the smell of rain. Those days are like a reminder of the love and grief you’ve experienced but in a bittersweet way. Perhaps these days, it hits your heart and you smile as you remember the moments. Every season has it’s beauty, but if we don’t have our hearts prepared for the changes and seasons and let go in order to transition to the next, it is like clinging to your summer clothes as winter comes and not being dressed for the weather. Winter will surely seem much more cold and bitter when you aren’t dressed for the season. But as much as it aches to see the days start to grow shorter and cooler, when you start to let go and live the season you’re in, you’ll find there’s a grace and a beauty when you step into it.
“What profit has the worker from that in which he labors? I have seen the God-given task with which the sons of men are to be occupied. He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end.
I know that nothing is better for them than to rejoice, and to do good in their lives, and also that every man should eat and drink and enjoy the good of all his labor—it is the gift of God.” Ecclesiastes 3:9-13
The grief isn’t necessarily the end, it’s a reminder it happened - something was there to love. And how do we honor that love? We can weep for a time, but we keep going and treasure what that time gave us. Maybe we grew or maybe we learned to see something more clearly. Maybe we were nurtured. What a beautiful reminder of life lived. The scent of petrichor reminds me, how lucky am I to have had so much to love so deeply. As we embrace these final weeks of summer, there are natural endings coming, and new beginnings. How can we prepare our hearts for the changing of seasons?