Mother’s Day Gone Wrong

Have you ever had a Mother's Day that you will never forget, but not for a good reason?

On a Mother's Day years ago, my plate was full as a young pastor's wife with two small children, a growing church, and a full-time job as an insurance agent. While successful at my job, I often felt I didn't measure up to what was expected of the pastor's wife. I thought Steve should have married someone more equipped spiritually and better suited for this life. Thoughts of my incompetence filled my mind. I would look at other women and assume they had it all together.

Our little church was growing, but our seating capacity was not. So, one year, beginning in May, we left the building and met under a tent on the property throughout the warmer months. Steve would go to church early on Sunday morning, and I would follow with the boys. We lived a short walk from the church, so I could walk to church if needed.

That Mother's Day, I listened as my husband preached, but I can't tell you what he spoke on. However, I can tell you something he said that embarrassed and angered me. During his message, he used these words, "Don't you hate it when you receive the silent treatment?" My ears perked up as everyone laughed, but me. I felt humiliated, and the words were like a nail in the coffin, confirming my feelings of failure. I was DONE! At the close of the service, all the moms were called to the front and presented with a planted flower. Dutifully I took the flower, holding back tears. Finally, we prayed, and the service ended.

As everyone mingled around, I walked up to Steve, thrust the plant in his hands, and said, "Silent treatment? I'll show you what the silent treatment is like," abruptly leaving the tent to walk home! I'm not sure where the boys were, but it didn't matter. I was a failure, and now everyone knew it.

Sometime later, Steve arrived home to a non-talking wife, bewildered as to what went wrong that caused me to react in such a crazy way. After some time, he realized what I heard was not what he said. He said, "Don't you hate it when your KIDS give you the silent treatment when you don't give them what they want." The ONE WORD made all the difference. A few weeks earlier, we HAD been shopping with our boys, and one of them DID give us the silent treatment when we refused to purchase something he wanted. That was what he was referring to in his sermon. I would love to say I was experiencing pre-period hormones, but it was way more than that! I was INSECURE plain and simple. I spent our early years feeling inadequate as I tried to be PERFECT.

Looking back on that moment, I realize my insecurity had nothing to do with Steve; it was self-imposed. The pressure for perfection was weighing me down. Possibly, you have dealt with this same issue.

Do you feel pressure to be PERFECT? The good news is that God wants to help you if you let Him.

“Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.” Psalms 55:22 (NLT)

I had to be honest with God and, with His help, began the process of change. Two things I learned that were helpful.

FIRST, stop comparing yourself to everyone. It's a T R A P, and it makes you miserable!

“For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.” James 3:16 (NIV)

“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. Trust God's timing.” Galatians 1:10 (ESV)

SECOND, Appreciate seasons. Each season of our life brings new challenges and new opportunities.

Read what Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, said about seasons.

"For everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1

As God worked in my heart for several years, the season changed, and the door opened for me to serve side-by-side with Steve, which I did for twenty-five years. I was not insecure anymore.

What season are you experiencing?

After a long winter of barrenness, Spring is breathing life back into nature. One morning, I looked out my bedroom window, noticing the new buds on our trees, and heard myself say, "We made it." I love this season!

Enjoy your Mother's Day, whether you are a mother by birth or a spiritual mom to someone! Both are so important! I am cheering you on!

Liz