Happy Mother’s Day
“Here come my beautiful daughters” would be the words that greeted my twin sister and me walking toward our mom’s room at the nursing home, where she spent the final five years of her life. Mom would be sitting in her wheelchair in the hallway, many times beside the nurse’s desk. Those hearing these words would assume that our mother had always been our biggest cheerleader in life. It’s not true.
Growing up with a mother whose husband died suddenly after only five years of marriage was sad. Mom had waited until she was thirty-seven to marry, then gave birth to three daughters in three years, with a set of twins in the mix. Those days you were put under anesthesia during baby delivery, so waking up to two bracelets, meaning twins, caused severe postpartum depression and they hospitalized our mom for a month. Then, three months before my twin sister and I turned three years old, our father died of a heart attack, leaving her to raise three girls under age four on her own. Truthfully, my early growing-up memories include few beautiful moments at home. Our family put the “D” in “dysfunctional,” but that’s a book to write someday!
Thankfully, I heard about a personal relationship with Jesus Christ by a friend inviting me to her youth group on a Tuesday night. There I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior, and Jesus changed the trajectory of my life. Many kind men and women from that church, South Hills Assembly of God, encouraged my growing relationship with Jesus, even picking my sister and me up for church since our family did not have a car. Their kindness was priceless!
My mother never remarried, and for the remainder of her life, she lived with each of her daughters. Her favorite location was with our older sister Mary, but there were prolonged times where that relationship was volatile, so she lived with Steve and me for seven years at one point. She could be pretty demanding, didn’t drive, and was not a cuddly grandmother to our sons. The hurt from my childhood surfaced, and so did the unforgiveness.
“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” Colossians 3:13 (NLT)
One day, we had a moment of reckoning. I told my mother all of the things she had done and not done that hurt me growing up. Then I waited for the apology, but it did not come. Instead, my mom said this, “That was a long time ago. Get over it.” Stunned for a moment and wanting to cry, I took her words in, and then I walked away. However, for some reason, her response became freeing, not debilitating. Knowing that I had a choice to make concerning forgiveness, that day, I chose to forgive, deciding to honor my mother for the rest of her life, regardless of my past hurts. My actions had nothing to do with her but everything to do with representing Jesus well.
“Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.” Philippians 3:13-14 (NLT)
We thought our mother would spend her final years with our eldest sister in New York, but that changed when my sister was diagnosed with cancer and died a month later, seven years ago. Unexpectantly, my twin sister and I needed to bring my mother to Pennsylvania. She had broken her hip for the second time and lived at a nursing home in Albany, New York. Miraculously, we located a nursing home fifteen minutes from both of us, who graciously accepted her as a resident after hearing our story. Those five years were a gift! For the first time, we got to know our mom and see the pain of her life, which caused us to understand that she did the best she could. We laughed, had many long talks, and are forever thankful for that time we had before she died at age ninety-nine. My twin sister and I and our husbands were together with her on her final day on this earth. No regrets.
I have now raised two sons, have two daughters-in-law, and seven grandchildren, and realize the power of forgiveness. Why? Because I have not been a perfect mother, mother-in-law, grandmother, friend, neighbor, co-worker, etc. I have had difficult conversations, and I have experienced forgiveness. We are all perfectly human, and our imperfections are glaring at times!
This Mother’s Day, I am praying for imperfect children, imperfect mothers, and imperfect people to come together and offer the best gift you can to one another. Forgiveness. Take the leap and reach out to someone this week and pray for God’s grace and forgiveness to be given and received.
Happy Mother’s Day!
Liz
